Therapy – It Works and It’s Work
I was 28 years old, living in a studio on Beacon Street in Boston, divorced for four years and miserable. I cried in the shower every morning, struggled to go to work, I couldn’t do the dishes, take out the garbage, or make my bed. I lost my appetite (do you believe it?), slept fitfully, and watched my plants die because I didn’t have the energy to water them. A dear friend of mine, a social work student, doing an internship at Beth Israel Hospital, said to me, “Ilene, you’re depressed! Call this therapist friend of mine”. I did. And that one call changed my life.
According to an article in Psychotherapy Networker (November/ December 2012), only 3% of Americans use psychotherapy or counseling services in a given year. Yet, the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) states that one in every five Americans (or 20%) has a mental illness at any moment in time. So why are only 3% of us getting counseling?
I remember my parents’ reaction to my sharing that I was seeing a therapist. “You don’t need that! We don’t talk about problems with strangers!
I remember my parents’ reaction to my sharing that I was seeing a therapist. “You don’t need that! We don’t talk about problems with strangers! We don’t air our dirty laundry in public! And when did you ever make your bed?” They were responding to the then and present stigma that surrounds and has surrounded the issue of mental illness for eons. 20% of Americans have mental health issues but only 3% are in counseling? What’s wrong with this picture?
My clients tell me how long it took them to pick up the phone to call me – a week, a month, six months, close to a year in some cases. And when they finally do, universally, they experience a sense of relief. “Finally I’m doing something to take care of myself, to lighten my load.” I felt the same way. But stigma and fear of being perceived as “crazy” often gets in the way.
We live in a complicated, demanding, and complex world. The issues my clients bring to therapy reflect this: unhappy relationships, struggles with parenting, balancing the demands of work and home, substance abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, eating disorders, why we use any substance (including food) or activity to distract us from our pain, our shame, our fear, our sadness – in addition to the possible genetic predisposition to depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness.
What I’ve learned from both sides of the couch (so to speak) is that therapy works – it helps us to feel so not alone. The best therapists nurture us, educate us, coach us, and bear witness to our pain. And… therapy is work! I had to be willing to reveal the real me – the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. I had to be willing to learn about me, to sit with “my stuff” to think and behave differently, to change. I was blessed with two therapists over the years who each created an environment where I was seen, heard, able to speak my truth, and not judged.
Some of my clients tell me that they have been on psychotropic medication (the kind that affects mood and anxiety) for a period of time before coming to counseling. They have realized that medication alone is not enough to help them transform their lives. Yet according to Psychotherapy Networker, the national trend shows medication use becoming the sole source of mental health treatment. (We’ve all seen the preponderance of ads for antidepressants). Yes, medication is helpful – and for some, necessary for stable mood and functioning. However, medication alone does not teach us how to be meaningfully connected to ourselves, our loved ones, our work. Counseling can and does!
